Tonight we turned on some music and started dancing around
the living room. Adaliah (age 4) went into her room and came out in a leotard and tutu.
She walked in the room, stood on the chair and yelled, “Light up the Night!” and began to do a very
animated performance with singing and dancing. While dancing she started
shaking our lamp and in fear that she might knock it over I interrupted her
song and told her to stop shaking the lamp.
Adaliah gave me a look that could kill and yelled at the top
of her lungs “Fine mom! Then I’m not dancing for you ever again!”
Pete: Adaliah, we don’t talk to mom like that. Go have a
time out in your room and come out when you’re ready to say sorry.
Adaliah stormed into her room.
After 10 mins or so, Adaliah still hadn’t come out so Pete
went in there and had another discussion with her about how she needs to show
her mom more respect. Adaliah started sobbing hysterically. Pete attempted to
calm her down but gave up after a few minutes.
Me: Why is she crying?
Pete: I don’t know! She’s a girl. Don’t girls just need to
cry for a while sometimes?
Usually when Adaliah is having a melt down like this (not
crying in anger, but crying because she feels bad), she just needs to be held
and validated in her feelings, so I went in there to do just that.
When I went into the room Adaliah ran into my arms and said
sorry. I picked her up and held her on my lap.
Me: Why are you still crying Adaliah?
Adaliah (sobbing hysterically): Because I was doing my light up the night
dance, and nobody was paying attention. Nobody liked it.
Me: I was watching it! I loved it, it was beautiful. I was just worried you were going to knock the lamp over.
Adaliah: But then I was mean to you. I’m always so mean. And
you guys are so upset at me.
Me: I’m not upset. You said you were sorry, and I know
you’ll try to be better. I’m not upset any more.
Adaliah: Well I’m just so mean all the time. I'm just the meanest girl ever. Nobody likes
me.
Me: That’s not true, We all love you. (I started listing off
names o
f family and friends that loved her) Oh! And Abbie was so excited to see
you at church today! She loves you! She thinks you’re so nice.
Adaliah: No, I’m mean to Abbie too! Remember that time when
I took the pretend cake from her? That was mean! ( This literally happened
almost 2 years ago- When Abbie and her mom came over to meet Elizabeth for the
first time)
Me: That was a
long time ago. Sometimes we make a
mistake, that doesn’t make you a mean person. Sometimes I accidently do mean
things too, but I say sorry and try not to do it again.
Adaliah: (her sobbing now becomes more loud and hysterical)
But I wanted to do a “light up the night” dance club and be the teacher. And I
don’t even know how I’ll get people signed up. And I don’t even know how I’ll have enough
costumes for everyone!
Me: Oh, that sounds fun. Maybe we can talk about that in
the morning, and figure out how to make that work.
Adaliah: But we’ll need to move the couches and vacuum the
floor so everyone will have enough room to dance.
Me: Okay, we can do that.
Adaliah: (still sobbing) But the boys in my primary class
Jack and Logan like me, but Logan and Corbin (our neighbors) don’t like me.
Me: Yes, they like you. They came over for a play date
the other day and had a great time!
Adaliah: Well remember when they said that girls are bad guys. (Again, this happened at least 18
mths ago- how does she remember this stuff?!)
Me: Well sometimes we accidently say mean things, but
they said sorry. They like you Adaliah.
Adaliah: (starts
trying to stop crying, doing her quick breaths) Okay. I want to stop crying
now.
Wow…. She is 4 years old!! The girl drama has already begun.
I can totally relate though- sometimes you just need to vent all the things
that are making you upset and have a good cry. I sure love that girl!!
